the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
