OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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