If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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