He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
