What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
