Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
