We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
