You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
