Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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