YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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