He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
