what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
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In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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