my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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