we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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