I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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