please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
