Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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