Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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