all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my shit smells like andre
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
