Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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