It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
