the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
