Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
