I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
