Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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