I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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