i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
