God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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