She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Boobs speak an international language.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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