every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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