I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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