she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
