Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
