Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
