he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
