I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
its not stalking. its research.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I need to calm my uterus...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
