before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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