I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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