I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Every concussion has its silver lining
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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