I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
