just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
