Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
