"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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