i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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