you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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