My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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