I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize