My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she peed on how many people?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
