I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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