Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
