I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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