Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
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You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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