Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
ttyl tear gas
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
