My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
