I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
