I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
