Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
