just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
