I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
