yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
