You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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