just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
