ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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