I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
P.S. I can't hear my feet
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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