apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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