Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
