I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
