he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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