i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Naked Twister starts at high noon
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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