So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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