Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
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Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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