ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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