in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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