i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
