areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
